Breastfeeding Sucks

Pun intended, because we need a little humor here.

I consider myself extremely fortunate to be able to breastfeed my twin babies.

To be honest, I worried that I wouldn’t be able to. For one thing, they were born 6 weeks early and had to spend the first couple weeks of their life in the NICU, and though I tried my best to pump milk while they were there (and did pretty well if I do say so myself) I struggled with maintaining a pumping schedule during that time and I worried that would make feeding on demand difficult when they got home. 
I also have breast implants and I wasn’t sure if that would interfere with breastfeeding or not.

But luckily, I’m definitely able to produce a good amount of breastmilk and both girls are nearly exclusively breastfed. It’s a good thing too because the few times they’ve been given bottles they made it clear that they hate them. So that’s fun…

The thing is I kind of hate breastfeeding right now, and I feel like such a terrible mom saying that.

First of all, it hurts. I think I mangled my nipples while pumping and now every time the babies latch it feels like razor blades. Maybe they’re also latching poorly or incorrectly now too (they were perfect at first and it never hurt initially) but it’s also extremely difficult to get 2 babies to latch well at the same time. Which brings me to my next point:

Tandem breastfeeding is awful. The first few times I did it, it was amazing. I felt powerful and incredible. Now, I dread the times when I have to sit there essentially topless with a (razor blade) baby attached to each boob. The positioning is awkward, and struggling to get each baby into said position while they screech at me is heartbreaking. Sometimes I cry too. Scratch that, often I cry too. 
I love the times when their meals are staggered so I can feed them one at a time. But that does also mean the whole process takes longer...not super ideal in the middle of the night. Sometimes when that happens, I’ll breastfeed one and get her settled to sleep, then the other wakes up screeching and hungry and wakes her sister back up. Or they’ll space their awake time out just so that mom never gets to sleep. Yeah…